My marketing staff is really cranking out the bumper stickers. I love their energy. But I'm not sure how to take this one. At least they used the Seagull font.
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If you logged onto this page yesterday and were totally confused, who could blame you? For those who missed it, here's how it looked: Even I have no idea what that says, or what it was supposed to say before my web host scrambled my post. Yes, they appear to have gone past shadow banning and other forms of social media censorship. Now they just toss everything into a digital blender, add a dash of special algorithms, and it comes out scrambled beyond recognition. But why would they do this to my blog, out of all of the billions of blogs in cyberspace? What could I possibly have done to offend anyone? No, that wasn't a rhetorical question! To be continued... Yjo od ejsy jsmmrnd ehrn upi jsbr uout gomhrtd om yjr etpmh oksv, Gigidt wukk dvef bi aubl tw tihot owr qust zzd ldll idbk? Wziu! ![]()
Just when I thought I had mastered the English language, I had a little problem with my website and sought help from an online tech support chat. I had to practically stand on my head to figure out what was being said. Here's an example: Unlike others might, I didn't just come away from this experience exasperated and disillusioned. I didn't just run to Yelp® and post a negative review. No such thing. I became motivated. I'm not narrow-minded. Maybe small-minded, but open-minded nonetheless. I'm inquisitive, and I want to learn new things, to try new things. I try to be positive, creative, even groundbreaking. And I figured if Babitha could so easily mangle the language, so could I. And maybe even more successfully. All I needed was the right tool. So I took yesterday's blog post and tossed it into a word blender, which is similar to a word processor. I think it's a joint project of Microsoft® and Cuisinart®. I simply clicked the Pulse button intermittently for 30 seconds. Here's the result: Well, it's only a beta version. I know I've been heaping praise on my merchandising crew. Until now. But somebody's going to have to explain this new bumper sticker to me. For one thing, I can't figure out if that gull is coming or going or rising or falling. It appears to be in the middle of doing a mid-air flip. I can't quite connect the words to the picture, either. It's not just me, is it? I'd say it's a dud. Maybe if it said "seagulls are so scintillating" or "special" or "spectacular" or even "snarky." But...sustainable? That's it. That's the answer to yesterday's word puzzle. And it's the topic of this week's Fun Fact Friday post, which is actually a continuation of last week's answer to a reader's question about gull wings. Last week, we were introduced to gull-wing car doors, which lift upward instead of sideways, looking like wings when opened. This week, we'll take a quick look at the kind of gull wing that Merriam-Webster defines as "an airplane wing slanting upward from the fuselage for a short distance and then leveling out."
You could be the next reader to have Geo answer your question on Fun Fact Friday. Just click the Comments link at the top of this page. And don't forget to say "Please."
It's time for a balancing act word puzzle. Unscramble these words, and you'll know the topic of tomorrow's episode of Fun Fact Friday. Come back tomorrow for the solution to today's puzzle.
And if you happen to be in the Seattle area this weekend, head across Puget Sound for Port Orchard's 30th Annual Seagull Calling Festival. More about that coming up in Saturday's balancing act post. This is one corner of the internet where we don't care if you think it's "yanni" or "laurel." In fact, I won't even tell you which one it sounds like to me. But I do care about your opinion of the Lousy Music on Hold sample messages I offered for your evaluation a couple of days ago. I'm still accepting your votes. It's strictly anonymous, unless you wish to have a name associated with your selection. And I haven't figured out a way to limit the number of times you can vote.
In the competition for favorite voice, it's a real dogfight at the moment, so every vote counts. Some readers have also chosen to include comments with their votes, which I encourage. However, I was puzzled by those who remarked that some of the music is really annoying. That was the whole idea! The music is intentionally annoying. Hence the name of my latest brainchild—Lousy Music on Hold. Maybe they meant their comments to be taken as compliments.
Let me preface today's post with this disclaimer: No data collection or data mining takes place here at balancing act. But, in full disclosure, I admit to having my own in-house seagull analytics capability. Perhaps internal would be a better description. What I mean is, I am personally capable of scrutinizing the inscrutable. You see, I know what you should be thinking. But that does not result in targeted pop-up ads. Nor do I put you on a list and sell you to support my habit. My internal analytics tell me the majority of my readers are viewing this blog on mobile devices. And that has caused me endless frustration. Not because I am opposed to mobile devices. The problem lies in my software (as opposed to softwear—like my downy feathers). My webbed hosting service assures me its software provides "responsive web design." Which means my blog should look as intended across all devices—desktops, laptops, tablets, phones, etc. (Does anyone still use an etc?) However, my blog seems to be saddled with unresponsive software. I can barely detect a pulse. It's either flat-lining or it's openly rebelling. So I have assigned my talented webbed assistant to tackle this issue. He has been working weekends and overtime, struggling to solve the problem, to no avail so far. I apologize for the technical difficulties.
IT'S POPSICLE® STICK RIDDLE SLIDESHOW #4 Time for a balancing act pop quiz. What's the difference between Julius Cæsar and Andrew Jackson?
(* M.A.R.G.A.) In an attempt to unify the country in total disgust, balancing act presents... ANOTHER POPSICLE® STICK RIDDLE SLIDESHOW (Steppenwolf, 1968) I mean no offense by this—my eyes can see things that human eyes can't. So I don't miss much from my Park Host sign vantage point. (Remind me to devote a Fun Fact Friday to the supercharged vision we seagulls possess.) I know, my publicity photo needs to be updated to show me on my current assignment. But I'm kinda attached to the picture that appears above each day's post. There's something gripping about my stance atop a sign that advises disposal of equestrian waste. You've got to know there are just some things I'd rather not step in, even if there's an enormous bathtub called the Pacific Ocean only a few yards away. Now—where was I? Oh, right. I don't miss very much of what goes on around me. That's part of the reason they hired me to be Park Host. My eyesight, my ability to take a step and be airborne, my gliding and diving skills—all enhance my first-responder status on Bandon's Beach.
Like I've tried to tell you—seagulls rule! From the Arctic to the Antarctic, we're everywhere!
And now, ladies and gentlemen, etc. In the public interest, balancing act presents the second edition of a feature that has the potential to become a wildly-popular ongoing award-winning online series (as long as I continue to find discarded Popsicle® sticks): GEO'S SECOND EVER GREATEST POPSICLE® STICK RIDDLES SLIDESHOW |
Meet the AuthorHi. I'm Geo the Seagull.
I'm the distinguished Park Host on South Jetty Beach at Bandon, Oregon, USA. I'm a firm believer in First Principles: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Your Lunch. Archives
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