From D.B. in Redway, California comes this question: "Geo, I read somewhere online that seagull flatulence is a major cause of global warming. Please tell me, can this be true?" Well, D.B., you must not believe everything you read on the internet (including this blog). Besides, there is disagreement among humans as to whether or not seagulls do emit gas. Nobody seems to know for sure, because we gulls are so discreet about it (discrete, too). And I am unwilling to clear the air by saying one way or the other. Nonetheless, some humans are incapable of appreciating the spirit of generosity behind our sharing of sacrificial excrement. As evidence, I link you to this hate-filled poem. Talk about someone who needs a cold shower! So there. That was easy. Remember to say "please" when you click the Comments link above and submit your question that could either be answered or avoided by Geo in next week's Fun Fact Friday.
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Some say poetry is a lost art. Well, I've found it again. I was digging around in the dumpster behind Tony's Crab Shack, down by the marina, and there it was—wrapped in a paper napkin with a splash of tartar sauce. Seriously, it was yesterday's Fun Fact Friday episode that inspired me to peck out a thought-provoking poem merging paleontology with philosophy. I hope you like it. What am I saying? I'm a seagull. I couldn't care less if you like it or not. Unless you bribe me with a bit of your bagel...
This week's question comes from the welcome screen in Windows 10 Home: And the answer is... Well, yes…and no. Due to the fact that dinosaurs didn't know how to write, type, or make audio/video recordings, we only know as much about them as their fossilized remains can tell us. And some of the remains of certain types of dinosaurs show that they could have been either feathered or maybe bristled. Not necessarily winged and capable of flight. But perhaps covered in decorative fluffy feathers. Or wearing capes or crests of feather-like stuff.
Also note that in the course of one or two seagull generations, or the equivalent of a single human generation, scientific understanding of the characteristics of dinosaurs has evolved just as much as scientists seem to think dinosaurs evolved over millions of years.
So much for "settled science," huh?
Hey! Where's the meme?
Yesterday marked six months of balancing act blogging. Who knows if I'll be around for another six months. I am a seagull after all. I have a short attention span and a lifespan to match. Therefore, even though the following was prepared in advance for 4/20/2019, I'm turning it loose on 5/20/2018. We can all pretend we set our clocks ahead eleven months. Time to clear the cache, anyway. The mind can lead you to some funny places. I overheard some folks talking about how it's 4-20 today, and all I could think of was an old nursery rhyme, which, according to snopes.com, began as a coded message used by pirates to enlist new crew members. I'm not buying it.
To add insult to injury, a number of humans have purposefully chosen the name Four and Twenty Blackbirds for their commercial endeavors—some of them are even successful. For example, a couple of sisters have opened a handful of popular bakeries in Brooklyn, New York that specialize in—you guessed it—pies. They ship pies nationwide. I hope they have the decency to leave the birds behind. There's also a Four and Twenty Blackbirds Bakery in Ashland, Oregon. And a diner named Four and Twenty Blackbirds in Santa Fe, New Mexico. A gourmet food truck operates on the streets of Hood River, Oregon under the same name. But another traveling canteen bearing that name has closed up shop and no longer peddles poutine and grilled cheese sandwiches in downtown Nashville, Tennessee. In Windsor, Colorado, there's an artsy Four and Twenty gift shop. At Four & Twenty Blackbirds in Manhattan, Kansas, specialty goods such as home furnishings, jewelry, and toys are what you'll find. Twenty-Four Blackbirds Chocolates in Santa Barbara, California sells single-origin, handmade artisan bars, caramels, and truffles online and in its retail shop. Guilford, Connecticut is home to 4 & Twenty Blackbirds Bakeshop. Halfway around the world, Four and Twenty Café and Pantry serves breakfast all day in the Chelsea Village area of Wynberg, Cape Town, South Africa.
I say shame on all of these humans for their anti-blackbird prejudice. I will look the other way if they all get stoned today.
By the way, I've got the munchies. What've you got for me? What's a Regular Boar? I assume it's a more interesting creature than a Regular Bore. And what would be the opposite of a Regular Boar? An Irregular Boar? A Premium Boar? When the Regular Boars get together, what's on the agenda?
Wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall at a Regular Boar meeting*? Bet you'd have a lot of company... *The Limelighters perform today's musical link—"There's a Meetin' Here Tonight," from 1961.
S.T. from French Lick, Indiana—this is your lucky day! Your question gets the spotlight in this special thirteenth edition of Fun Fact Friday! Here's S.T.'s question: "Geo, please tell us—how do you find all this interesting stuff for your blog?" I'll try to answer without giving too much away. The way it usually works is that I get ideas. And then I get the urge to turn those ideas into words and digitize them. But I need facts and pictures and sounds to fulfill my readers' great expectations of a consistently entertaining and educational experience.
To submit your potential Fun Fact Friday question for Geo, just click or tap the Comments link in the top right corner of this post.
Be sure to say "please" if you really expect Geo to answer your question. IT'S POPSICLE® STICK RIDDLE SLIDESHOW #4 Time for a balancing act pop quiz. What's the difference between Julius Cæsar and Andrew Jackson?
Riddle me this:
What kind of person is wound up a little too tight? Answer: The kind of lonely troll who submitted this comment after yesterday's post: "Geo, have you ever considered how many trees had to be chopped down in their prime, merely to be turned into Popsicle® stick riddles?" My answer: "Yes, I have considered that. And in my opinion it was just enough." (Trying to set a new World Wide Web record for most colons used in a single blog post.) I wonder if this is the same malcontent who reported me to the Thought Police after I remarked that a plastic-bag-swallowing seagull won't be making the cut when natural selection picks the starting lineup. The next thing you know, the Southern Poverty Law Center (which has nothing to do with poverty or law—or the South, for that matter) will be adding me to its list of haters. Give me a break! I am a seagull. I am the guy who reports on seagull hate. I don't hate my own kind. I just reject the stupid ones. (Trying to set a new World Wide Web record for most boldface text in a single blog post.) Yet...there's a saying that all publicity is good publicity. Being added to the media's favorite hate list could bring some traffic to my blog. But I do hope I don't live to eat those words. That could be as unpleasant as eating rubber, glass, or Styrofoam. There has to be a better way to recycle that stuff. (musical link by the Tijuana Brass, 1962) (* M.A.R.G.A.) In an attempt to unify the country in total disgust, balancing act presents... ANOTHER POPSICLE® STICK RIDDLE SLIDESHOW
Or perhaps you're searching for content that's biodegradable—wooden Popsicle® sticks, for instance. Merely click "Sustainable," and there you go. Easy peasy! (Did I really say that? Please don't let it happen again!) Want to revisit one of my posts where I ranted and raved? Take your pick. They'll all be there when you click "Disgruntled." Conversely, you can catch me wearing a smiley face if you choose "Gruntled." Try "Malodorous" and you'll be exposed to the Internet equivalent of Smell-o-vision. Any given post can fit into multiple categories, too. For example, yesterday's post will be among the results whether you select "Commercial," "Exclusive," "Food," "Frivolous," "Hysterical," "Mental Melatonin," "Musical," or "Sustainable." I've decided it fits into all of those categories. And I am the King of This Blog. But that doesn't mean I don't accept input from my subjects. If you have a suggestion for a category that you think describes one of my blog posts, by all means click the Comments link that's next to About the Author, and submit your recommendation. The possibilities are endless. Literally. The Categories list seems to grow exponentially. By the way, you may find that some categories are currently dead-ends. That may mean they have been put there simply because they are impressive-sounding multi-syllabic words. Or it could be they are patiently lying in wait to attach themselves to some unsuspecting future post. How would you categorize this post? *Thanks for finding this asterisk. It's next to a hyperlink for those who want to learn more about tags.
It was on this date in 1913 that the 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, establishing a federal income tax. Somehow at that time a majority of the representatives of the people and their states actually wanted to be taxed on what they earned. There must have been something in the water.
Fortunately, they haven't figured out a way to tax seagulls yet. Give them time... This is the "future post" I promised yesterday. For this Fun Fact Friday, let's take a brief look at a famous seagull legend. Could it be fact, or is it merely folklore inspired by an underlying foundation of truth? In Salt Lake City's Temple Square stands a monument to the state bird, oddly named the California Gull. Thousands of these particular gulls are said to have swarmed into the fields of the Great Basin at the very moment that armies of crawling crickets were about to consume all of 1848's crops. Was this Utah's miracle or Utah's mythology?
For the Mormon settlers, the seagulls were saviors. For the seagulls, it was instant breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert for a few days. Of course, we'll take the golden statue as a bonus. And the Salt Lake Gulls baseball club, too. P.S. You are welcome to suggest a topic for the next Fun Fact Friday. Just click the Comments link in the top right corner of this blog post. References (because I didn't just make this up): www.mrm.org/seagulls mentalfloss.com/article/29551/why-utah-loves-seagulls-not-crickets en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miracle_of_the_gulls holyfetch.com/the-miracle-of-the-seagulls/ www.mormonthink.com/glossary/seagullmiracle.htm onlinelibrary.utah.gov/research/utah_symbols/bird.html Referring to yesterday's post, I really can't say what's in the memo (because I really don't know). I'm not even sure who wrote the memo. And now I've been told not to mention the memo again. (I think there was an unspoken "or else..." associated with that particular request.) I'm sure some of you are beginning to think I'm a conspiracy nut. Nut, yes. Conspiracy nut, no. I'm just a lovable but cautious, moderate and unremarkable, button-down seagully kinda guy. If I were only a left-winger or only a right-winger, I would fall out of the sky every time I tried to fly. If anything, I'm a skeptic. I only believe what I can swallow whole—which, come to think of it, is practically anything short of a grey whale. And apparently this is one whale of a memo! Ooooooops! I accidentally mentioned the you-know-what again. I just might have to start encrypting my blog posts. Maybe like this: Yes, I finally got an H ! SCORE! And you can tell they're made with REAL Cheese because they leave really oily footprints on paper bags. Or could that be a message of some kind?
To be continued. Some busybody at some shadowy self-appointed watchdog organization stumbled onto my freaky cat slideshow. They say it's a cat-hate violation, and they want me to take it down. If I don't, they'll probably force my website host to replace my slideshow with a semi-literate message like this one I saw recently: Why isn't there a "Not OK" button? Where's my freedom of choice? Whatever happened to freedom of speech? Whatever happened to the English language? What did you bring me for lunch? So many questions. P.S. I finally opened a fresh box of Scrabble® Junior Cheez-It®. Not that the stale ones were that bad. In fact, I occasionally enjoy them when they've been soaked in salty sea mist. But that's just me.
Today has been the best day of the year so far.
My resolution this year (and every year I can remember) is to be a seagull in every way possible. My resolution this year for this blog is to get to the point. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Be here now. Don't worry—be happy. Do not remove tag under penalty of law. Don't go breaking my heart. Live as if you were a bumper sticker come to life. Hey! How did I get stuck to this Prius? The stream of consciousness has just dried up. See how easy it is to break your resolutions? It's 2018 and Papa's got a brand new song—"Don't Go Breaking My Resolutions." Don't miss the sky show tonight around sunset, if it's clear to the east. It's this year's first Supermoon. It's going to be HUGE! And it's free! Watch this space for more free stuff! (Shakespeare reference; second day in a row!) Today I awoke early with this thought: If I'm going to change the name of my blog, why stop there? Why not change the whole premise? Rather than write about my own tastes and opinions, my personal reality, why don't I take on an entirely different persona? What if I pretended to be something other than a seagull, maybe something more universally loved and admired? Like maybe a whale. I could write under the name Moby Dork. My new blog would be called Spouting Off. It might be fun for a change to imagine what it would be like to weigh a hundred tons, spend my life in icy cold water, and eat constantly. Or I could just be myself. |
Meet the AuthorHi. I'm Geo the Seagull.
I'm the distinguished Park Host on South Jetty Beach at Bandon, Oregon, USA. I'm a firm believer in First Principles: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Your Lunch. Archives
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