I feel like I'm getting into a rut here. With the help and encouragement of my merchandise associates. According to The Free Dictionary, a rut is a noun that usually means:
Given this context, here's our latest bumper sticker offering: At least I should be able to claw my way out of this rut tomorrow, when it's Fun Fact Friday. Unless I get a question about bumper stickers. Contribute your Fun Fact Friday question by clicking the Comments link at the top of this page.
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My marketing staff is really cranking out the bumper stickers. I love their energy. But I'm not sure how to take this one. At least they used the Seagull font. Yesterday's post proved inspirational. Go figure. My marketing and merchandising crew loved the idea of bumper stickers based on obscure references so much that they have launched a new business... Obscure References Bumper Stickers LLC (ORBS) They will turn your ideas into personalized bumper stickers. Click the Comments link above and submit your obscure reference. Be sure to provide contact information. My marketing experts were so inspired by yesterday's post that they immediately whipped up a new bumper sticker. I'm not exactly sure how it will fit in with my Golden Geo Gear web store, or if anyone will understand the reference. But obscure references have never stopped me in the past.
But I remained curious as to what all the excitement was about. It turned out to be a peculiarly human celebration called a wedding, celebrating the union of two particular humans. In this case the wedding had its own name—the "Brash Wedding," which I learned was a contraction made by combining the names of the particular humans who were just married—Brian and Ashley. Having established these ancillary facts, I concluded my investigation and resumed eating. I would have wished these Brian and Ashley persons all the best, but I was taught never to squawk with my mouthful.
I think I'd better have a frank discussion with my merchandising wizards. They are coming up with some wacky ideas for Geo swag, and in the process they may be setting me up for a trademark infringement lawsuit. I overheard a couple of guys on the beach today who were playing around with remote controlled model airplanes. Of course I have excellent hearing, but it didn't hurt that these guys were shouting at each other to be heard over the sound of the pounding surf. And I distinctly heard one of them talking about seagull arfs.
I need to have a little palaver with my peeps in the merchandising department. What started as a project to generate potential Golden Geo merch for a possible future online store has suddenly veered off the rails. How do these new bumper sticker and produce sticker designs do anything to promote my blog and my internet celebrity status? Is this somebody's idea of a meme? I'm not even a good spokes-gull for celery. If I'm desperate I will eat it, but only if it's stuffed with peanut butter. Even then, the peanut butter sticks to my beak, so when I go to squawk I can only squeak. And that stringy stuff gets tangled up in my gullet and makes me gag. Ugh! I think I'm being punked. I know I've been heaping praise on my merchandising crew. Until now. But somebody's going to have to explain this new bumper sticker to me. For one thing, I can't figure out if that gull is coming or going or rising or falling. It appears to be in the middle of doing a mid-air flip. I can't quite connect the words to the picture, either. It's not just me, is it? I'd say it's a dud. Maybe if it said "seagulls are so scintillating" or "special" or "spectacular" or even "snarky." But...sustainable? My merchandising mavens have done it again! This time, they've created a beautiful full-color wall poster to add to the growing selection of Golden Geo goodies. And speaking of mavens, did you know an American spacecraft named MAVEN that was launched in 2013 has been circling Mars since 2014, studying the Martian atmosphere? As you can see from these pictures, MAVEN does have some gull-wing characteristics. Here's a sequel to yesterday's post about how I have developed exceptional English language skills by studying food packaging I find in trash cans and dumpsters.
As an appropriate postscript to today's post, my design staff came up with an appropriate bumper sticker to add to our online inventory. I've been scammed! Vannity Press, Inc. is a rip-off. They made me think I had something unique to offer, and they put a beautiful flattering cover on my book. But it turned out to be a copy of somebody else's book cover. Now nobody wants to sell my book because they fear a lawsuit. I would be so humiliated if I were capable of that sentiment. Instead, I am incredibly peeved. And I'm beginning to think this is another instance of seagull hate. Yes, I'm pretty confident that I have been set up, taken advantage of, and made to look bad because of what I am. I'm going to talk to my lawyer. Anyway, see for yourself... I have been getting the weirdest phone calls lately. A lot of them are coming from Searchlight, Nevada. I don't bother to answer them. Doesn't retired Senator Harry Reid have anything better to do? Maybe you don't get the reference. But you can always use your own search engine and find out about this guy. What a fraud! There was another call the other day that I ignored as well, but this time the caller left voicemail. Being curious, I listened to the message, which said the people at Vannity Press, Inc. knew I had a great personal story to tell, and they were eager to publish it for me. One of my avid readers must have told them about me. Anyway, they left a phone number for me to contact them (1-833-VANNITY), which I did. As a result, I'm about to hit the bookstores and newsstands and Costco and Amazon with my very first book, The Art of the Gull. When we get my online store up and running, you'll be able to buy it there, too. Here's a look at the cover. Keep those suggestions coming.
Readers have helped us realize that a Golden Geo online store would amount to little without bumper stickers and decals. And we're ready with a lineup of spot-on messages that will stand out wherever they're stuck. See the samples below. We value your continued input. Just click the comments button. Check it out! My merchandising specialists have another trio of potential Golden Geo souvenir items for your approval. Soon we may have enough products to open my very own online store! Feedback has been overwhelming so far. What do you think? What's your favorite? Any suggestions for additional Geo gear? Just click the Comments link above and chime in. I'm thinking of putting my golden name on a variety of merchandise, because I want my blog readers, YouTube fans, and folks who come to see me at work to have something to remember me by. My webbed editor, who serves as my promotions director, my design consultant, my merchandising manager, and my alter ego, has created a handful of prototype items bearing my name in gold. Here's a preview of what may soon be available in the Geo Store. Please use the Comments link above to let me know what you think of these items. Disclaimer: We were not able to afford real gold for these mock-up versions, but who knows what we might be able to do for the right price... P.S. Somehow my phone read yesterday's post. I just got an ad for gas detectors.
Some say poetry is a lost art. Well, I've found it again. I was digging around in the dumpster behind Tony's Crab Shack, down by the marina, and there it was—wrapped in a paper napkin with a splash of tartar sauce. Seriously, it was yesterday's Fun Fact Friday episode that inspired me to peck out a thought-provoking poem merging paleontology with philosophy. I hope you like it. What am I saying? I'm a seagull. I couldn't care less if you like it or not. Unless you bribe me with a bit of your bagel...
I was shocked. My research staff came to me with an alarming report. They discovered another internet blog that's authored by a seagull. I was prepared for the worst. Then they showed me the blog. It's really kinda cute and distinctive.
*I assume it's pronounced SHAY-muss, not SEE-muss.
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Meet the AuthorHi. I'm Geo the Seagull.
I'm the distinguished Park Host on South Jetty Beach at Bandon, Oregon, USA. I'm a firm believer in First Principles: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Your Lunch. Archives
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