I had the best day yesterday. They let me renew my poetic license! The last time they allowed me to bust out a stanza or two was back in April. Surely you know who "they" are. "They" are the ones who must remain nameless. "They" are the ones who sit in judgment. "They" are the ones who starve the starving artists. "They" are the ones who put the muse in music. And the Poe in poetry. "They" put the try in poetry, too. And the me in meme. Or maybe not. But somebody did, because it wasn't always there. Anyway, now that my Right to Rhyme has been reaffirmed, I feel invigorated. I feel inspired. I feel poetic again. I even feel like singing, but "they" haven't granted me permission. So, here goes... Feel free to squawk along, although you do have the right to remain silent!
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Call me a "prepper" if you want. I've been called much worse. I am proud to say I am uniquely prepared for any doomsday scenario. I can survive any form of natural disaster you can imagine—earthquake, fire, flood, famine, pestilence, volcanic eruptions, the rogue planet Nibiru nearly colliding with Earth... The latter is believed by some evangelical Christians to be the event that triggers the Rapture, the second coming of Christ that ushers in the end times. And they think the planets and stars are aligned just right for that to happen today. We'll see what happens. They could be right. What—me worry? I'm confident that even when the world ends, there will still be leftovers I can pick through for sustenance. They didn't give me the nickname "garbage gut" for nothing. I've also heard that Armageddon could be nigh because Federal Communication Commission rules will take effect today that eventually will nullify the so-called "Net Neutrality" regulations that haven't really quite gone into effect themselves. (A convoluted, government-inspired sentence, that last one.) There are some who believe the death of Net Neutrality will signal doom for the internet. Yet, somehow the internet survived, prospered, and fostered innovation for a over quarter century with minimal government interference and without Net Neutrality.
Close followers of this blog have a strong constitution. They have also picked up on some patterns in the way I express my personality through my posts. So they may well have taken note of how I handle my critics. If I'm taken to task for my FREAKY CAT SLIDESHOW, I respond with THE WORLD'S FIRST AND ONLY KNOW FREAKY ELECTRICAL OUTLET AND POWER CORD SLIDESHOW, followed by A FREAKY CLOCK FACE SLIDESHOW, and then the tour de force, A SPECTACULAR KEYBOARDS AND MICE SLIDESHOW.
GEO'S GREATEST POPSICLE® STICK RIDDLES SLIDESHOW For just a moment, I need to step back from current events to deal with something of an ongoing nature. You may recall that in spite of my being just a lovable, shy, unassuming but unflappable, live-and-let-live kinda gull, I became the focal point of some controversy last month when I attempted to occupy an unclaimed corner of the blogosphere with a post that featured an unconventional special attraction, my exclusive FREAKY CAT SLIDESHOW. Instead of generating the anticipated mountains of praise and howls of laughter, my masterful photographic exhibition was met with scowls of derision, hateful counter-posts, and calls for censure. Fortunately, I have been able to keep the metaphorical jackals at bay with threats of litigation, and my FREAKY CAT SLIDESHOW hasn't been taken down yet. However, I have become aware that my blog may be a victim of shadow banning. Maybe even seagull shaming. So please let me know if you are able to read this post, and if you can successfully follow the links that take you to my original FREAKY CAT SLIDESHOW. Meanwhile, I dare anyone anywhere to take offense at my latest creation... THE WORLD'S FIRST AND ONLY KNOWN FREAKY ELECTRICAL OUTLET AND POWER CORD SLIDESHOW It's a work of art, if I do say so myself. Don't you agree?
Up next, the world's first Freaky Clock Face Slideshow. Watch this space. I said everything that needs to be said on Christmas Day. Now what? I went back to yesterday's post and listened to the link at the top. It inspired me to work on my James Brown dance moves out on the beach. But that didn't provide me with great material for today's post. I even dug into the blog archives to revisit my maiden post, just forty days ago. Brief and to the point, it was. I learned how to navigate in my vast, ever-expanding blog archives and find previous gems by re-reading my own highly educational post on the subject.
I tried my trusted trick of last resort, but when I took a deep dive into the nearest dumpster this morning, I came up empty. Nobody seems to be eating Popsicles this time of year. No Chinese take-out leftovers in there, either.
I see I am violating one of my cardinal (or seagull) rules of good writing: Avoid beginning sentences with I. Did I mention that each of the bold, underlined phrases above is a link to something I've posted previously? Did it occur to you there was a reason to follow those links? Just thought I'd ask. I like Christmas as much as any other gull. It just takes some time for me to really warm up to it. It goes without saying that I will eagerly anticipate Christmas morning, when I get to peck open the paper bags that goodhearted humans have left for me in the barrel by the restrooms. I know I'm going to find some goodies inside.
I've been reading a lot of those "helpful tips" web pages today. Like How To Turn Your Blog into a Cash Cow for Your Retirement and 17 Ways You Can Add 8 Eye-Catching Features to Attract Thousands of Repeat Readers Who Will Boost Your Blog into the Top 500 Rankings. The numbered lists made my head spin. In fact, that was one tip I kept reading—use numbered lists! And bullet points! And color! And Increase Traffic with Funny Cat Videos--who hasn't thought of that one? Anyway, my host doesn't give me enough bandwidth to run videos. But I do have room for a
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Meet the AuthorHi. I'm Geo the Seagull.
I'm the distinguished Park Host on South Jetty Beach at Bandon, Oregon, USA. I'm a firm believer in First Principles: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Your Lunch. Archives
August 2018
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