These Seagulls are five humans from Leeds, in the United Kingdom. Three brothers and two other guys. They have an indie-psychedelic-pop-surf-rock band, and several thousand followers.
Today, they are getting some free publicity from a fellow seagull—me. I haven't even decided if I like their music. But I'm down with their name. And the moon is full (non sequitur).
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This week's Fun Fact Friday question was submitted by T.H. of Tukwila, Washington. "Please, Geo, can you explain how there never seems to be a shortage of seagulls?" To answer this question, I had to read between the lines. Which I am perfectly capable of doing, thanks to my exclusive enhanced seagull analytic powers. Seems to me T.H. is asking me to explain about the birds and the bees. Except we can leave the bees out of this story.
The same story is repeated year after year, starring the same pair of seagulls. We gulls, you see, are mainly monogamous, and couples tend to stay together through thick and thin, as Mrs. Seagull and I have done. In fact, seagulls who stray from their mate or file for divorce are often ostracized within their colony. They become the object of incessant squawking. Squakracized, you might say. Let's just say we seagulls came up with a successful formula a long time ago, and we've been perfecting it for something like thirty million years. We're not going away any time soon. Sources for this edition of Fun Fact Friday include... animalwhoop.com allaboutbirds.org rspb.org.uk To submit your potential Fun Fact Friday question for Geo, just click the Comments link in the top right corner of this post. Be sure to say "please" if you really want Geo to answer your question.
March 29 is the first date on the Geo Taylors calendar. Every year about this time, we seagulls get busy and help perpetuate our kind. When Mrs. Seagull and I began that mission many years ago, on this very day, it brought us together, and we never will part. That's the seagull way. That’s the way things ought to be. And it's a sneak preview of tomorrow's Fun Fact Friday topic. Musical link by Chet Petty and the Playboys, 1959.
I'm highly skilled at grabbing a bag and getting away with it. But I'm not the only one, as you can see in this video from my ancestral homeland.
![]() "Oh Geo! You just think you're so smart!" I have been hearing the same thing for years and years. And now I hear it even more since I started this blog. Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. I've always taken this as a compliment. And why not? What good would it do me to go around thinking I'm stupid, when I know I'm not. So I just reply, "Thanks for noticing." And you've probably noticed my blog's subtitle, "The Blog of a Bird-Brain." Now, that wasn't exactly what I originally had in mind. It should have read "The Blog of a Brainy Bird." I think my webbed editor was doing a little editorializing there, even though he claimed it was an honest mistake caused by his alleged dyslexia. What he really means is, he honestly sees me as a bird-brain. But I still take it as a compliment.
Seagulls inspire. Seagulls lead. Seagulls mean business. Over at iwillteachyoutoberich.com, you can read what Ramit Sethi calls "The Seagull Theory." In a blog post, he suggests we can tell if we're on the right track if we keep a watchful eye for leading indicators of future trends, the way Christopher Columbus observed certain seabirds whose presence were a sign that his ships were nearing land. As you know, I'm all about promoting seagull pride—the benefits of being a seagull, the importance of seagulls as role models, the wisdom only seagulls are blessed to possess, and like that. But wisdom dictates prudence. And in all candor, to follow the lead of a seagull can be a risky proposition.
Otherwise, I must say it made me feel good inside to read Mr. Sethi's advice:
"Listen for seagulls in your life." Let me preface today's post with this disclaimer: No data collection or data mining takes place here at balancing act. But, in full disclosure, I admit to having my own in-house seagull analytics capability. Perhaps internal would be a better description. What I mean is, I am personally capable of scrutinizing the inscrutable. You see, I know what you should be thinking. But that does not result in targeted pop-up ads. Nor do I put you on a list and sell you to support my habit. My internal analytics tell me the majority of my readers are viewing this blog on mobile devices. And that has caused me endless frustration. Not because I am opposed to mobile devices. The problem lies in my software (as opposed to softwear—like my downy feathers). My webbed hosting service assures me its software provides "responsive web design." Which means my blog should look as intended across all devices—desktops, laptops, tablets, phones, etc. (Does anyone still use an etc?) However, my blog seems to be saddled with unresponsive software. I can barely detect a pulse. It's either flat-lining or it's openly rebelling. So I have assigned my talented webbed assistant to tackle this issue. He has been working weekends and overtime, struggling to solve the problem, to no avail so far. I apologize for the technical difficulties.
This week, I'm answering a question sent to me from Powell, Wyoming, by L.C., who asks, "Please, Geo, tell me how do you quench your thirst when you only have salt water all around you?" The simple answer, L.C., is that I drink it.
If you get close enough to me to see something wet trickling down my beak, chances are I'm not suffering from a head cold. I'm just expelling an excess saline solution, and in the process I may shake and snort as if sneezing. This time of year, our abundant Oregon Coast rainfall provides plenty of puddles and streams with fine salt-free water for seagulls to dip our beaks in and take a bath. But we're equally at home miles away from shore, splashing and sipping in the great Pacific Ocean waters. You can learn more about seagull drinking habits here and here, along with formal research documents here, and an elegantly simple illustration here. To submit your potential Fun Fact Friday question for Geo, just click on the Comments link in the top right corner of this post. Be sure to say "please" when you ask Geo to answer your question.
IT'S POPSICLE® STICK RIDDLE SLIDESHOW #4
Over 30,000 humans like the Sea-Gull watch Facebook page. Some guy with a hyphenated name and a website called watchitallabout.com has posted a glowing review of the Sea-Gull Ocean Star diver's watch. You can tell he was smitten by it. He took so many close-up photos.
Yes, it is the official first day of spring, which doesn't mean that much in parts of the Midwest and Northeast, where winter weather persists. Be that as it may, I've been looking for any excuse for giving away free stuff. So in honor of the Vernal Equinox, and because a lot of you seemed to like the way I looked in green on Bandon Day, balancing act is giving away...
Funny thing—nobody knows who came up with this special day. But they had the best of intentions. Laughter, you see, is alleged to relieve tension, boost your immune system, exercise idle abdominal and facial muscles, and offer relief from everyday stress.
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I started this blog by accident. Once it got started, I was unable to stop it. It has taken on a life of its own. It has become part of my daily routine. Nothing can stop me from making a post—gale-force winds, snow on the beach, torrential rain, sneaker waves, you name it. I'm committed, for better or for worse.
Forgive me, then, if I have questioned your commitment from time to time. I mean, what does it take to read these daily briefings—five minutes max? I get it. Reading my blog is not the centerpiece of your daily routine. I think it ought to be, but that's beside the point. I genuinely respect that your life is dominated by other priorities—work, school, children, spouse, church, hobbies, personal hygiene, social media... I've tried a few tricks to attract and keep your attention. Free stuff, for example. And dependable recurrent special features, such as Fun Fact Friday. Educational material that expands your brainpower. Exclusive expert analysis that increases your world of awareness on crucial current issues. Unparalleled humorous content—sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant, often self-deprecating, usually only appreciated by the author, which doesn't necessarily mean it's not funny. We just have different funny bones. The bottom line is, I'm giving you an opportunity to redeem yourself. It will be easy and painless. Here's how: In case you've missed any episodes, don't despair; they haven't vanished into thin air. They are, after all, on the internet. And that means they may survive forever, with or without "Net Neutrality." Just scroll to the Archives list in the sidebar, and click the link to a month of your choice. I recommend starting with the oldest and working your way up to the present. In my humble opinion, every one is an easy read. Most of them even have pictures. Many have musical accompaniment. A few episodes (like this one) come with professionally-voiced audio versions. Some have spectacular slideshows. Some have puzzles. Some are just plain puzzling. Each blog post is impeccably well-written, immaculately proofread, and tightly edited. I can't believe you have read this far. You can and should share your comments with the author and the other one or two readers by clicking—what else?—the Comments link. And why not share this blog with your kids if you have any? It's G-rated (G for Gull, that is). Share it with non-family members at your own risk. Do what I did. Take up the balancing act habit. It's unbreakable. And it's free. For now.
This week's question comes from M.G. in Goldendale, Washington, who asks, "Please tell me, what color are your eyes, Geo? And how good is your eyesight?"
Unlike most other birds, my eyes can move in their sockets, so I have a wide range of vision. And just like humans, the "cones" in my eyes are sensitive to red, green, and blue light. But I also have cones that respond to infrared light, so I can see an additional range of colors. Most likely you humans have a hard time telling male gulls from females, but with our extra infrared vision, we gulls can see the difference right away.
To submit your potential Fun Fact Friday question for Geo, just click on the Comments link in the top right corner of this post. Be sure to say "please" when you ask Geo to answer your question. Time for a balancing act pop quiz. What's the difference between Julius Cæsar and Andrew Jackson?
I admit I lead a very sheltered life (if that's possible on such a windy beach). What I mean is, I miss out on so many cultural phenomena. But I do so on purpose, and with pride.
The musical link is to Weird Al Yankovic's 1985 parody of the Kinks' 1970 "Lola."
Close followers of this blog have a strong constitution. They have also picked up on some patterns in the way I express my personality through my posts. So they may well have taken note of how I handle my critics. If I'm taken to task for my FREAKY CAT SLIDESHOW, I respond with THE WORLD'S FIRST AND ONLY KNOW FREAKY ELECTRICAL OUTLET AND POWER CORD SLIDESHOW, followed by A FREAKY CLOCK FACE SLIDESHOW, and then the tour de force, A SPECTACULAR KEYBOARDS AND MICE SLIDESHOW.
Please believe me (Well, I guess you already do, or else why would you be reading this?) Let me start again. Honestly, I have no intention of taking this blog into the proverbial toilet. It is not my goal to turn the subject matter here into "all-poop-all-the-time." Wall-to-wall poop is not my mission. But such is not the case for some of you, who have seized on the issue of seagull poop out of concern that I haven't gone far enough in mining this rich topical vein. Thank you—I guess—for taking matters into your own hands and doing some independent investigative work that I am forced to acknowledge now.
We gulls are known to gather as a squadron of the willing when a predator threatens our colony. In attack mode, we conduct a coordinated but messy bombing run to drive away the intruder.
If you venture too close to our nesting spot, you could become the target of one of our mass splat-attacks. Now, can we please change the subject? I stand against seagull hate. I squawk against seagull hate. I fight the good fight against seagull hate every way I can.
Shtick shmick, I say!
This is no shtick. I admit to being a multi-talented performance artist, but this is simply not another running gag. A running gag is when a chunk of somebody's leftover picnic scraps gets caught in my throat as I frantically try to evade the other gulls who want a piece of my treasure. Now that's what I call a running gag. All joking aside, I am seriously at war with hate, even if there isn't enough room on my sign for a hashtag. Much has been made recently about the horrors of—gasp—seagull poop. While trying to stay within the bounds of common decency, I brought the facts of this scatological controversy to your attention with a cluster of Seagull Hate Updates this past week. I apologize for dropping these back-to-back bombshells in a blog that prides itself not only on being a safe space from seagull hate, but a safe space from profanity and vulgarity as well—a wholesome habitat for humanity and gulls alike. I don't know about you, but I've had enough negativity for this week. So I'm coming down off my stool and taking a breather.
P.S. What is all this noise about Daylight Saving Time? For me, when there's daylight, I'm up. When the sun goes down, I'm down. Pretty simple. Go ahead and set your clocks ahead tonight if you want. I'm okay with following my biological clock. Enough said.
R.L. of Port St. Lucie, Florida, has observed that I spend a lot of my waking hours on or above the beach at Bandon, Oregon. And he wonders where I go when I need to sleep.
I can't answer that question directly, because it's a trade secret. There is a non-disclosure agreement involved. Protecting the safety and sanity of an entire colony of gulls requires me to stay silent on this subject. But I can speak in general terms. Seagulls usually sleep where they have strength in numbers. Some of the gulls that you see gathered in a parking lot, along a shoreline, on an offshore island, or on a rooftop may actually be asleep. They are comfortable sleeping there because they are surrounded by the security of friends and neighbors who will awaken them if a predator should approach. Here are a few photographic clues as to where I might feel relaxed enough to catch a few Zs: ![]()
The brainiacs at the Environmental Protection Agency have decided that seagull droppings constitute a form of toxic waste that imperils humans.
Hope you are following the links, so I don't have to provide all the gory details of these seagull hate stories.
And please join me for a change of pace tomorrow, when it's Fun Fact Friday! So now it's not enough for humans to claim that seagulls are making them sick by recycling some infectious medical waste we inadvertently ingest at refuse disposal sites.
In my opinion, the researchers who concocted this theory were looking for a justification for their multi-million dollar grant-funded boondoggle.
As for me, I'm going to go on pooping wherever I please. |
Meet the AuthorHi. I'm Geo the Seagull.
I'm the distinguished Park Host on South Jetty Beach at Bandon, Oregon, USA. I'm a firm believer in First Principles: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Your Lunch. Archives
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