Yesterday's post proved inspirational. Go figure. My marketing and merchandising crew loved the idea of bumper stickers based on obscure references so much that they have launched a new business... Obscure References Bumper Stickers LLC (ORBS) They will turn your ideas into personalized bumper stickers. Click the Comments link above and submit your obscure reference. Be sure to provide contact information.
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This week, G.M. of Liberty, Maine, asks: "Geo, can you please let us hear more from your musician friends, the Four Rs?" Let's hear it for the Mainers! That makes two straight weeks of questions from Down East. You Mainiacs are the best! It's understandable that everyone from Down East to the Far West wants to hear more from the Four Rs. These players are noted for their versatility and their audacity. They are unbelievable in every sense of the word. Our microphones were able to capture the Four Rs in a recent warmup session. The resulting track is called "Babbly Bop Jam." It's a tour de force that shows off their instrumental virtuosity and imagination. So click the link below, slip into your earbuds, kick back, close your eyes, and enjoy the Four Rs—Rusty, Rock, Rudy, and Rip—in full-spectrum stereophonic splendor. ![]()
Fun Fact Fridays are just for you, the balancing act reader. Click the Comments link above to submit your question on any subject for Geo. Always say please, please. It's the 29th day of 7th month. We're in our prime!
In recent posts, I have shared my very personal story of learning the English language by way of product labels on food packages that attracted my hungry attention in garbage cans, landfills, etc. Among my favorite sentences that I learned early through my studies of product packaging language—a sentence I have found difficult to use in this blog or other forms of communication—is this one: "Contents may have settled during shipping." I remain hopeful that one day I will learn just what is meant by that sentence, and then maybe I will find an appropriate time to put it to use. Some especially instructive labels do not necessarily appear on food or beverage containers, however. That is something I learned the hard way when I naïvely took a swig of Dr. Bronner's 18-in-1 Peppermint Soap®. That stuff is not only NOT food, but it actually caused a burning bubble bath to form inside of me.
Don't be surprised if some of the timeless wisdom expressed on the Dr. Bronner's Soap® bottle appears on future Golden Geo gear. Or in my poetry. Or in future blog posts exploring seagull spirituality. Like this: "Small minds decay! Average minds delay! Great minds teach All-One today!" I love the strategic use of exclamation points! I'm All-In! And I invite you to read and learn! Some say poetry is a lost art. Well, I've found it again. I was digging around in the dumpster behind Tony's Crab Shack, down by the marina, and there it was—wrapped in a paper napkin with a splash of tartar sauce. Seriously, it was yesterday's Fun Fact Friday episode that inspired me to peck out a thought-provoking poem merging paleontology with philosophy. I hope you like it. What am I saying? I'm a seagull. I couldn't care less if you like it or not. Unless you bribe me with a bit of your bagel...
In case you've been thinking I've lost interest in starting a meme that takes the internet by storm, may I suggest you take a scroll through the past couple of weeks of balancing act posts. Sure, seagulls seem simple. (Note the sophisticated alliteration.) After all, we invented WYSIWYG. You know--What You See Is What You Get*. Eat, fly, squawk. Kinda sums it up. But not really. That barely scratches the surface. Seagulls can be much more subtle than you might think. We are rather underrated when it comes to our cunning and creativity.
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One of these days, there will be a new topic for a Fun Fact Friday episode, and Geo might even lower his standards and pick your question as that topic. So keep trying. Just click the Comments link at the top of this page and submit your question. As always, remember to say, "Please." I've done it again!
I've just hatched another life-changing plan. Sparks have been flying inside my seagull skull. My world-renowned entrepreneurial spirit is on the move, and I'm about to launch my latest venture: an all-news channel. I've been studying niche-market broadcasting, and I believe I've found an overlooked and underserved population. It's going to be the first all-news channel that's strictly for the birds. I'm calling it SEA-NN—The Seagull News Network. You have to enunciate each letter, to avoid pronouncing it the same as that other news channel. That's why I've brought in my friend the volunteer professional radio announcer to voice the SEA-NN sounder. Unlike that other channel, I can't afford James Earl Jones. So I've settled for a reasonable facsimile. Just click or tap the SEA-NN logo below, and you'll hear what I'm talking about. If the voice you hear seems to be saying "yanni" or "laurel," there's either something wrong with your equipment or you need to make an appointment with the nearest otolaryngologist. G is for Gull E is for Entrepreneur O is for Omnivorous Right now, I'm focused on the E. I am overwhelmed by my inner entrepreneurial spirit. It's like a volcanic eruption has just occurred inside my brain, triggering a lava flow of scalding hot ideas. And here's the latest: You know, I got to thinking—which tends to give me a headache—there has to be a market out there for an honest purveyor of fresh lousy music on hold. So I did some due diligence. I researched online and found that "music on hold" is a widely acknowledged term for the annoying sounds you are forced to listen to if you believe the next available representative will be with you shortly. And there is already a business specializing in this kind of audio torment that has registered the url musiconhold.com. It has, by the way, one of the most off-putting home pages I have encountered in years. There are many dozens of other businesses that provide similar services. It's a dirty job, but I guess somebody has to do it. None of them, however, have the integrity, the common decency, the transparency to tell their customers that what they are selling is a truly lousy product. Until now. Now that I've hatched my latest brilliant business concept. With a brand name that says it all: Lousy Music on Hold. And guess what? You're going to help me launch my start-up. You're my crowd source. Here's how it works: My cracked professional staff has assembled six prototypes of very lousy music on hold messages, and you get to vote on your favorite. Click each button below to listen to a sample message. Then mark your favorite on the ballot below. Be sure to click Submit if you want your vote to count. Call me a "prepper" if you want. I've been called much worse. I am proud to say I am uniquely prepared for any doomsday scenario. I can survive any form of natural disaster you can imagine—earthquake, fire, flood, famine, pestilence, volcanic eruptions, the rogue planet Nibiru nearly colliding with Earth... The latter is believed by some evangelical Christians to be the event that triggers the Rapture, the second coming of Christ that ushers in the end times. And they think the planets and stars are aligned just right for that to happen today. We'll see what happens. They could be right. What—me worry? I'm confident that even when the world ends, there will still be leftovers I can pick through for sustenance. They didn't give me the nickname "garbage gut" for nothing. I've also heard that Armageddon could be nigh because Federal Communication Commission rules will take effect today that eventually will nullify the so-called "Net Neutrality" regulations that haven't really quite gone into effect themselves. (A convoluted, government-inspired sentence, that last one.) There are some who believe the death of Net Neutrality will signal doom for the internet. Yet, somehow the internet survived, prospered, and fostered innovation for a over quarter century with minimal government interference and without Net Neutrality.
Seagulls inspire. Seagulls lead. Seagulls mean business. Over at iwillteachyoutoberich.com, you can read what Ramit Sethi calls "The Seagull Theory." In a blog post, he suggests we can tell if we're on the right track if we keep a watchful eye for leading indicators of future trends, the way Christopher Columbus observed certain seabirds whose presence were a sign that his ships were nearing land. As you know, I'm all about promoting seagull pride—the benefits of being a seagull, the importance of seagulls as role models, the wisdom only seagulls are blessed to possess, and like that. But wisdom dictates prudence. And in all candor, to follow the lead of a seagull can be a risky proposition.
Otherwise, I must say it made me feel good inside to read Mr. Sethi's advice:
"Listen for seagulls in your life." ![]()
I started this blog by accident. Once it got started, I was unable to stop it. It has taken on a life of its own. It has become part of my daily routine. Nothing can stop me from making a post—gale-force winds, snow on the beach, torrential rain, sneaker waves, you name it. I'm committed, for better or for worse.
Forgive me, then, if I have questioned your commitment from time to time. I mean, what does it take to read these daily briefings—five minutes max? I get it. Reading my blog is not the centerpiece of your daily routine. I think it ought to be, but that's beside the point. I genuinely respect that your life is dominated by other priorities—work, school, children, spouse, church, hobbies, personal hygiene, social media... I've tried a few tricks to attract and keep your attention. Free stuff, for example. And dependable recurrent special features, such as Fun Fact Friday. Educational material that expands your brainpower. Exclusive expert analysis that increases your world of awareness on crucial current issues. Unparalleled humorous content—sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant, often self-deprecating, usually only appreciated by the author, which doesn't necessarily mean it's not funny. We just have different funny bones. The bottom line is, I'm giving you an opportunity to redeem yourself. It will be easy and painless. Here's how: In case you've missed any episodes, don't despair; they haven't vanished into thin air. They are, after all, on the internet. And that means they may survive forever, with or without "Net Neutrality." Just scroll to the Archives list in the sidebar, and click the link to a month of your choice. I recommend starting with the oldest and working your way up to the present. In my humble opinion, every one is an easy read. Most of them even have pictures. Many have musical accompaniment. A few episodes (like this one) come with professionally-voiced audio versions. Some have spectacular slideshows. Some have puzzles. Some are just plain puzzling. Each blog post is impeccably well-written, immaculately proofread, and tightly edited. I can't believe you have read this far. You can and should share your comments with the author and the other one or two readers by clicking—what else?—the Comments link. And why not share this blog with your kids if you have any? It's G-rated (G for Gull, that is). Share it with non-family members at your own risk. Do what I did. Take up the balancing act habit. It's unbreakable. And it's free. For now. The following act of creative image manipulation is not intended to treat, prevent, or cure any disease. It's the slideshow to end all slideshows! (Don't you wish...) An unparalleled immersive sensory experience beyond anything you could possibly imagine! A SPECTACULAR KEYBOARDS AND MICE SLIDESHOW ! Please let me know if you've managed to survive this visual barrage!
I've had this idea kicking around in my brain for a while, and it's beginning to bruise my skull. So I'm going to spit it out. Seagulls are known for doing that from time to time.
I'm thinking of doing TV. I mean doing my own TV show. Maybe put it on Netflix. I'm still deciding on whether it will be a reality show or a sitcom, or maybe action/adventure. Then again, a food show sounds appealing about now. I wouldn't be the celebrity chef, though. I don't cook, but I'm an exceptionally good eater. So I would be the critic who gets to sample what the cook prepares. And if I don't like the food, I get to say, "You're fired, chef!" Pretty original, huh? Or I could do a serial. Or maybe just do cereal. As you can see, my show is only in the preliminary planning phase. But I do have a name for it-- "Everybody Loves Geo!" And I already have a theme song and a potential sponsor. Here's the lyrics. I dare you to click the link and sing along! ![]()
I'm pleased to note that so far nobody's complained about my Freaky Electrical Outlet and Power Cord Slideshow that debuted a few days ago. Nobody's gone out of their way to compliment me on it either. But that won't stop me from occasionally posting more world premiere slideshows. And today is one of those occasions. You see, my head is full of ideas. But my stomach is empty. Let me take a closer look at your lunch, while you feast your eyes on my latest artistic concoction... ANOTHER BLOGOSPHERE FIRST: A FREAKY CLOCK FACE SLIDESHOW! (That's an 80s Disney movie reference. Keep reading, and at some point it might make sense.) My 11/28/2017 blog post brought the bitcoin phenomenon to your attention. By the time that post was finished and published, a single bitcoin was trading for $10,139.03. But it didn't stop there. By December 8, the value of one bitcoin had crested at $17,117.27—an increase of nearly 70%. Since then, the bitcoin tide has rolled out a bit, and the rate as of this nanosecond is $13,570.30 to one bitcoin. Click here if you need to get up to speed on everything about bitcoins. And just why am I so fascinated by and concerned about stuff like cryptocurrency? Stuff that's so new that the words cause the spell-checker to choke? It's because of the future. Just when you think it's right around the corner, or out over the horizon somewhere, suddenly it's already here. So I'm offering you a bird's-eye view beyond the earth's curvature, figuratively speaking. Autonomous cars, artificial intelligence, robotics—they're gearing up to take over!
As you can see, lots of my relatives were here already, and I'll be hanging out with them until further notice. It's like gull heaven on earth!
Refuge... Refuse... That English language is something else. What a difference one little letter can make! |
Meet the AuthorHi. I'm Geo the Seagull.
I'm the distinguished Park Host on South Jetty Beach at Bandon, Oregon, USA. I'm a firm believer in First Principles: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Your Lunch. Archives
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