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It's the 29th day of 7th month. We're in our prime!
And my webbed editor says I over-hyphenate. So proud am I of my ornithological heritage, I have been inspired to compose a poem, which I've transformed into a talking blues, because I have been ordered never to get caught singing again. I think it's a bit catchy nonetheless. That's why I'm including the lyrics. In case you catch yourself wanting to sing along. Of course, as a human you may feel a little silly singing "I'm a seagull." And the more sensitive among you may gasp and suddenly stop singing, because you're afraid you might be committing cultural appropriation. Fear not. I'm a seagull. We practice cultural appropriation and any other kind of appropriation every chance we get. So it won't hurt my feelings if you sing along. It won't hurt my ears, either, because I don't have any. ![]()
...which is a prime number, and that makes it one of my favorites. Here's another number for you—250. That's how many daily balancing act posts I have made through yesterday. Which makes today's post number 251—also a prime. Now for this week's Fun Fact Friday question, submitted by B.M. of Medford, Oregon: "I mean no offense, Geo, but all seagulls look the same to me. I see two kinds. They are either brownish gray or they are white and gray like you. Please tell us, do all humans look alike to you?" First of all, the darker colored gulls are our young ones. Those of us who survive to at least three or four years of age earn the more handsome outfit that I am wearing. As for what I see when I look at humans, let me first refer you to Fun Fact Friday #10, where I discuss my exceptional eyesight. That is one of the qualities that landed me the Park Host position at South Jetty Beach. I don't miss much. When it comes to humans, I'm not so good with names, but I remember faces and attitudes. I'm good at telling friend from foe. Mostly I keep my distance as far as humans are concerned. And if they don't keep their distance from me, I take a snapshot in my photographic memory as I dance away and take flight. So I will know them if I ever see them again. And please read this article from Bay Nature magazine for a more detailed answer to today's question, from a human's perspective. I need to have a little palaver with my peeps in the merchandising department. What started as a project to generate potential Golden Geo merch for a possible future online store has suddenly veered off the rails. How do these new bumper sticker and produce sticker designs do anything to promote my blog and my internet celebrity status? Is this somebody's idea of a meme? I'm not even a good spokes-gull for celery. If I'm desperate I will eat it, but only if it's stuffed with peanut butter. Even then, the peanut butter sticks to my beak, so when I go to squawk I can only squeak. And that stringy stuff gets tangled up in my gullet and makes me gag. Ugh! I think I'm being punked. I know I've been heaping praise on my merchandising crew. Until now. But somebody's going to have to explain this new bumper sticker to me. For one thing, I can't figure out if that gull is coming or going or rising or falling. It appears to be in the middle of doing a mid-air flip. I can't quite connect the words to the picture, either. It's not just me, is it? I'd say it's a dud. Maybe if it said "seagulls are so scintillating" or "special" or "spectacular" or even "snarky." But...sustainable? My merchandising mavens have done it again! This time, they've created a beautiful full-color wall poster to add to the growing selection of Golden Geo goodies. And speaking of mavens, did you know an American spacecraft named MAVEN that was launched in 2013 has been circling Mars since 2014, studying the Martian atmosphere? As you can see from these pictures, MAVEN does have some gull-wing characteristics. In recent posts, I have shared my very personal story of learning the English language by way of product labels on food packages that attracted my hungry attention in garbage cans, landfills, etc. Among my favorite sentences that I learned early through my studies of product packaging language—a sentence I have found difficult to use in this blog or other forms of communication—is this one: "Contents may have settled during shipping." I remain hopeful that one day I will learn just what is meant by that sentence, and then maybe I will find an appropriate time to put it to use. Some especially instructive labels do not necessarily appear on food or beverage containers, however. That is something I learned the hard way when I naïvely took a swig of Dr. Bronner's 18-in-1 Peppermint Soap®. That stuff is not only NOT food, but it actually caused a burning bubble bath to form inside of me.
Don't be surprised if some of the timeless wisdom expressed on the Dr. Bronner's Soap® bottle appears on future Golden Geo gear. Or in my poetry. Or in future blog posts exploring seagull spirituality. Like this: "Small minds decay! Average minds delay! Great minds teach All-One today!" I love the strategic use of exclamation points! I'm All-In! And I invite you to read and learn! I could hardly have anticipated the way so many of you have become fascinated with how I learned English by reading the labels on discarded cans, bottles, bags, and boxes while I consumed what was left inside. Some of the first words I learned are still etched in my brain: "natural and artificial flavors" "pyridoxine hydrochloride" "mono- and diglycerides" "BHT added to the packaging material to preserve freshness" "monounsaturated fat" and one of my most favorites, "mixed tocopherols added as an antioxidant" I have no idea what it all means, but doesn't it sound impressive? Here's a sequel to yesterday's post about how I have developed exceptional English language skills by studying food packaging I find in trash cans and dumpsters.
As an appropriate postscript to today's post, my design staff came up with an appropriate bumper sticker to add to our online inventory. This week's question comes from T.J. of Shadwell, Virginia, who asks: "Please tell us, Geo, since English is not your native language, how did you learn to write so beautifully?" T.J., you flatter me. And I deserve it. Ever since I first poked around in the nearest trash can, I have found tasty morsels of food in boxes or bags or bottles or cans that have markings known as words on them. At an early age, I became fascinated with the meaning of those words. Humans underestimate the mental prowess we seagulls possess. We can learn and we can retain and apply what we learn. Over time, I have developed a massive English vocabulary, and not only can I spell every word correctly, I can use every word correctly. And I can recognize misspelled words and incorrectly used words and phrases. I daresay I am at least as good with my English as most of you are with yours. And I haven't given up on getting my writings printed by a reputable publishing company. Here's an example of the educational material I encounter in the garbage every day: If it has to do with food, I learn even faster. And, incidentally, I always do say thank you for the food, just as I always ask for more. Maybe it's time for you to ask Geo a question he can respond to in next week's Fun Fact Friday episode. Just click the Comments link above. Be sure to say "please." I've been scammed! Vannity Press, Inc. is a rip-off. They made me think I had something unique to offer, and they put a beautiful flattering cover on my book. But it turned out to be a copy of somebody else's book cover. Now nobody wants to sell my book because they fear a lawsuit. I would be so humiliated if I were capable of that sentiment. Instead, I am incredibly peeved. And I'm beginning to think this is another instance of seagull hate. Yes, I'm pretty confident that I have been set up, taken advantage of, and made to look bad because of what I am. I'm going to talk to my lawyer. Anyway, see for yourself... I have been getting the weirdest phone calls lately. A lot of them are coming from Searchlight, Nevada. I don't bother to answer them. Doesn't retired Senator Harry Reid have anything better to do? Maybe you don't get the reference. But you can always use your own search engine and find out about this guy. What a fraud! There was another call the other day that I ignored as well, but this time the caller left voicemail. Being curious, I listened to the message, which said the people at Vannity Press, Inc. knew I had a great personal story to tell, and they were eager to publish it for me. One of my avid readers must have told them about me. Anyway, they left a phone number for me to contact them (1-833-VANNITY), which I did. As a result, I'm about to hit the bookstores and newsstands and Costco and Amazon with my very first book, The Art of the Gull. When we get my online store up and running, you'll be able to buy it there, too. Here's a look at the cover. Isn't this the cutest ever? My Mini-Me Meme has made a new friend. This cuddly little black-beaked bird was wandering around lost on the beach. It can stay with us until some little girl or boy misses it and comes back looking for it. Of course, I'll need to see some form of legal ID before it can be released. Rules is rules. You guys rock! My readers are the best! Your excellent suggestions keep coming in for great Golden Geo promotional gear. And someone has pointed out that we didn't have anything to offer for infants and toddlers. Well, it didn't take long for my merchandising geniuses to respond. Here's a tentative selection of Golden Geo products just for the little humans in your life: Keep those suggestions coming.
Readers have helped us realize that a Golden Geo online store would amount to little without bumper stickers and decals. And we're ready with a lineup of spot-on messages that will stand out wherever they're stuck. See the samples below. We value your continued input. Just click the comments button. RMT of Myrtle Point, Oregon, has submitted this question:
"Geo, would you please stop singing and explain what seagulls are saying when they make those non-English sounds we usually hear." First of all, RMT, I commend you for following the rules and saying "please" when you ask me a question. If you've ever met me, you know I cherish good manners. Unfortunately, on the advice of counsel, I am not allowed to give a straight answer to your question. Additionally, I am on my way out of town for a day, and cannot stop to provide more detailed information. However, please accept this consolation prize: I have previously discussed the language of seagulls in Fun Fact Friday #15. I hope you will follow the link I just provided, and see what you can learn from that episode. For good measure, here's another link to a blog that offers a human interpretation of seagull speech, complete with recordings that might help you match what you've been hearing with the descriptions given by so-called bird lovers. But I am bound to silence regarding what I really know about what seagulls have to say when they squawk or squeak. Sorry. Check it out! My merchandising specialists have another trio of potential Golden Geo souvenir items for your approval. Soon we may have enough products to open my very own online store! Feedback has been overwhelming so far. What do you think? What's your favorite? Any suggestions for additional Geo gear? Just click the Comments link above and chime in. ![]()
You never know what might turn up on the beach. Sometimes in winter† and early spring, the beach disappears under a maze of driftwood. In the early summer, waves of by-the-wind-sailors (or velella) wash ashore.
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I have heard whispers over the web. Some of my admirers are saying I should take a break from daily blogging. Take a well-deserved vacation. Maybe even go into summer reruns. My response is that this is not the time for me to step away from my obligations. These are serious times, and I'm seriously committed to being on the electronic frontline every day. Oddly, there are even those who think I should be committed for the folly of being so dedicated to my blogging mission. There is still a lot of seagull hate in the world, and whether it's summer or any other season, I'll be here to expose it to the world.
Just thought I'd clear the air about that theory. But I do continue to hear reverberations from Fun Fact Friday #26, in which I attempted to stifle the notion that seagull flatulence could be behind alleged global warming. Some of the repercussions seem to originate on the opposite side of the country. You see, many of my readers are highly attuned to geopolitical and geoeconomic developments (puns intended), and they got a whiff of a vaguely related story emanating from Washington, DC. That's a place where stuff happens, and where it's full to overflowing with this particular kind of stuff. What my readers noticed—as did a cluster of foul-minded, potty-mouthed Twitterers—was the name of a new piece of legislation proposed by the U.S. Trade Representative, the Commerce Department, and some White House economic advisors. It bears the title Fair And Reciprocal Tariff Act. As with much of our current affairs, what could have been a civil discussion on serious issues of national security and prosperity has degenerated into a fetid free-for-all—the object in this case being the trade bill's acronym, which you may have already figured out. The legislation hasn't even been digested by the U.S. House of Representatives, much less been passed out of Congress. In fact, the F--- Act has only escaped into the open air because it was leaked to Axios, a news and information website which was pleased to take a leak. At least the media seems to have moved on from the seagull flatulence story. Not much talk about global warming lately, either. Thank you for your overwhelming response to the first few items in our new line of Golden Geo merchandise. Notice the absence of Impact font. Here's a few more for you to review. I'm thinking of putting my golden name on a variety of merchandise, because I want my blog readers, YouTube fans, and folks who come to see me at work to have something to remember me by. My webbed editor, who serves as my promotions director, my design consultant, my merchandising manager, and my alter ego, has created a handful of prototype items bearing my name in gold. Here's a preview of what may soon be available in the Geo Store. Please use the Comments link above to let me know what you think of these items. Disclaimer: We were not able to afford real gold for these mock-up versions, but who knows what we might be able to do for the right price... P.S. Somehow my phone read yesterday's post. I just got an ad for gas detectors. |
Meet the AuthorHi. I'm Geo the Seagull.
I'm the distinguished Park Host on South Jetty Beach at Bandon, Oregon, USA. I'm a firm believer in First Principles: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Your Lunch. Archives
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