None of the gulls I know can read, so this blog is meaningless to them. A lot of people who can read don't understand what's been written, here or anywhere. Those who can hear don't necessarily bother to listen.
Some who read this blog get what it's about. Some don't. What it's about is the way I see the world. It's about holding a mirror to the world. There are imperfections in the glass. Still, there's beauty in the reflection. There's ugliness, too. And irony. And absurdity. And consistencies, sometimes. And unpredictability. It's a balancing act.
0 Comments
One of these things is not like the others... Of course you chose the correct answer—B for Bird Control. Since I live in a special part of the world where seagulls are admired, cherished, honored, and photographed in soft focus, I sometimes forget the harsh treatment and officially sanctioned cruelty and persecution that is everyday reality for seagulls in many disparate corners of the world. But my readers occasionally snap me out of my reverie by sending me links to hate-filled individuals and institutions that remind me there is still much work to be done to rid the planet of rampant anti-seagullism.
In case you've been thinking I've lost interest in starting a meme that takes the internet by storm, may I suggest you take a scroll through the past couple of weeks of balancing act posts. Sure, seagulls seem simple. (Note the sophisticated alliteration.) After all, we invented WYSIWYG. You know--What You See Is What You Get*. Eat, fly, squawk. Kinda sums it up. But not really. That barely scratches the surface. Seagulls can be much more subtle than you might think. We are rather underrated when it comes to our cunning and creativity.
Hey! Where's the meme?
In case you are still confused about what exactly constitutes an internet meme, let's do what everybody else does and consult Wikipedia. Note the confusing reference to image macro, the topic of a separate Wikipedia article. Image macro memes usually take the form of a picture with words at the top and bottom, making a humorous or ironic statement that refers in some way to the image. The text is typically in the Impact font, all capitals, and white with a black outline. Highly conventional.
Some scientists also believe birds were lizards before they evolved into birds.
Some scientists are more gullible than others. We birds typically have versatile sharp pointed beaks for pecking, snatching, and chomping. And we have long, rough, boney tongues and Velcro-like lining inside our mouths, with fleshy things that work like car wash scrubbers to help us hold on to what our beaks collect, and to easily swallow our food whole. Not a single tooth—but we can work around that. We never need to worry if our insurance will cover the cost of a root canal. No teeth. No roots. No dental bills. Life is great when you're a gull!
I started this blog by accident. Once it got started, I was unable to stop it. It has taken on a life of its own. It has become part of my daily routine. Nothing can stop me from making a post—gale-force winds, snow on the beach, torrential rain, sneaker waves, you name it. I'm committed, for better or for worse.
Forgive me, then, if I have questioned your commitment from time to time. I mean, what does it take to read these daily briefings—five minutes max? I get it. Reading my blog is not the centerpiece of your daily routine. I think it ought to be, but that's beside the point. I genuinely respect that your life is dominated by other priorities—work, school, children, spouse, church, hobbies, personal hygiene, social media... I've tried a few tricks to attract and keep your attention. Free stuff, for example. And dependable recurrent special features, such as Fun Fact Friday. Educational material that expands your brainpower. Exclusive expert analysis that increases your world of awareness on crucial current issues. Unparalleled humorous content—sometimes subtle, sometimes blatant, often self-deprecating, usually only appreciated by the author, which doesn't necessarily mean it's not funny. We just have different funny bones. The bottom line is, I'm giving you an opportunity to redeem yourself. It will be easy and painless. Here's how: In case you've missed any episodes, don't despair; they haven't vanished into thin air. They are, after all, on the internet. And that means they may survive forever, with or without "Net Neutrality." Just scroll to the Archives list in the sidebar, and click the link to a month of your choice. I recommend starting with the oldest and working your way up to the present. In my humble opinion, every one is an easy read. Most of them even have pictures. Many have musical accompaniment. A few episodes (like this one) come with professionally-voiced audio versions. Some have spectacular slideshows. Some have puzzles. Some are just plain puzzling. Each blog post is impeccably well-written, immaculately proofread, and tightly edited. I can't believe you have read this far. You can and should share your comments with the author and the other one or two readers by clicking—what else?—the Comments link. And why not share this blog with your kids if you have any? It's G-rated (G for Gull, that is). Share it with non-family members at your own risk. Do what I did. Take up the balancing act habit. It's unbreakable. And it's free. For now. Close followers of this blog have a strong constitution. They have also picked up on some patterns in the way I express my personality through my posts. So they may well have taken note of how I handle my critics. If I'm taken to task for my FREAKY CAT SLIDESHOW, I respond with THE WORLD'S FIRST AND ONLY KNOW FREAKY ELECTRICAL OUTLET AND POWER CORD SLIDESHOW, followed by A FREAKY CLOCK FACE SLIDESHOW, and then the tour de force, A SPECTACULAR KEYBOARDS AND MICE SLIDESHOW.
I can't stay away from the beach, even on my day off. Yesterday I got off my Park Host perch and took a break from my duties. And I flew off to the north... ...to another beach! I spent the afternoon enjoying the scene at Bullards Beach, just across the river from my home turf. And a perfect afternoon it was! A light breeze. Some sun, some clouds. Tide rolling in. And out. And in.
Every size and shape of driftwood has washed ashore at Bullards, and heavy surfs have pushed some of it over the dunes, so it now covers most of the the parking lot, as well. Just take a look at this amazing maze of roots. ↓ Big globs of sea foam also washed ashore at Bullards. Have you ever noticed how things look different from a distance? For instance, you could generalize that this section of the seashore has darker sand than the rest of the beach. Look for yourself: But a closer look reveals a field of rocks of varied colors and sizes: Bend down closer, and you can see the rich variety that appears to be sameness from farther away:
It's a free country and I love it! Watch this space for free speech and free advice.
|
Meet the AuthorHi. I'm Geo the Seagull.
I'm the distinguished Park Host on South Jetty Beach at Bandon, Oregon, USA. I'm a firm believer in First Principles: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Your Lunch. Archives
August 2018
Categories
All
|